|
pamelala05
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Pamela
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Cedarville
Birthday: 9/29/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Jesus Christ, music (especially violin, especially Bach), violin, politics, Cedarville University, meaningful conversations, long solitary walks, teaching, reading, writing, a particularly delightful young man, www.cyberhymnal.org
Expertise: none of the above
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/21/2005
|
|
| I have begun to notice more and more that I am really and truly an introvert in certain settings. While I enjoy hanging out with friends in smaller groups, I have noticed that I tend to become very quiet and unconversational in larger groups. It's not that I mean to be rude, it's just that I almost feel that my senses are overwhelmed when I am in a large group of people. Why contribute to the conversation (more than is necessary in order to be polite, anyway) when there are so many different conversations going on around, where you might as well just listen in to the different conversations at will without actually mustering the energy to participate in any of them? I wonder if this is indicative of being selfish and self-centered, or if it is just the way I am wired as a person. People who know me more individually would probably laugh at the very thought of me being an introvert, but people who primarily know me in large groups probably get frustrated trying to make conversation with me.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way? Or am I just weird? 
On a completely unrelated note, I am getting tired of facebook posts that are, in my opinion, easily classified as "verbal diahhrea." (Please pardon me!) Some personal pet peeves include anything about daily activities that we all do EVERY day and do not particularly need to know that you are doing, such as waking up, drinking coffee in the morning, and going to bed. I also particularly dislike it when people who post from their mobile device that they are stuck in traffic in whatever city. (My guess is that they do it just to show off to the world that they have a mobile device with which to post such things, but I realize that this may be unecessarily snide.)
In other news, I have many other complaints that probably should be fleshed out here at some point. They include, but are not limited to, the state of politics today and the rather annoying reactions of most Christians on both sides of the political spectrum, the sad state of customer service in our day, and the dangers and disadvantages to society at large of college students who are not serious about their studies. Also, the pitfalls and growing pains of a violinist.
And just to end this rather grumpy post on a happier note, I am personally quite happy and enjoying life and marriage in general. We have a great church life, home life, and family life; and our careers, while they cause us their share of angst, are quite good overall as well. If I ever allow my overactive and generally depressing thought life to calm down a bit, I realize that I actually am quite happy and fulfilled in general, and I thank God for that!
| | |
| No, I'm not pregnant.  Just thought I'd get that out in the open beforehand!
Since reaching my one-year anniversary of graduation from college, I have decided that I have had sufficient "recovery time" from said period of life. I must confess that my "recovery time" consisted of a not so great schedule for the past year. While I have still been fairly busy and have accomplished a decent amount, I don't think that I have managed my time as well as I could have. So I am, by God's grace, implementing a lifestyle change -- I am going to get up much earlier every morning on a consistent basis. I am hoping that this will allow me to have a more regimented -- and hopefully more successful and fruitful -- daily schedule.
Today was my first day on this new schedule, and despite having gone to bed later than I would have liked to last night (because of a late rehearsal), I am feeling pretty good. Only time will tell how I hold up, I suppose. I am not a morning person, and it has been years since I have woken up earlier than I HAD to. Generally, I get up as early as I have to on any given day to get wherever I need to be or do whatever I need to do, but no earlier. This happened before college, throughout college, and most certainly in the last year. However, the problem with the last year is that I haven't had as many early morning commitments, which has led to sleeping later than I'd like to admit. While I am a person who tends to need a lot of sleep, I think that a better schedule might help me to need a little less sleep, due to its consistency, and I also think that it would be better for me to go to bed earlier than to continue to sleep in late. Hence the change!
In other news, Jon and I are coordinating VBS with another couple at our church this year, I am actively involved in finishing up the year with the Cedarville Youth Orchestra, and I am practicing and rehearsing quite a bit for Titanic, the musical I am playing in this month at Wright State. I am busy as usual, but enjoying it for the most part! I hope to post in more detail about some of these other things later, but don't have the time or the desire to bore my gentle readers further!
| | |
| This may not end up being posted as it is a rather personal post, which is ironic considering the title. (But I really have no distinction between my personal and professional life -- probably a mistake.) But then again, I don't think that very many people read this anymore, and those who do, well it's probably ok. We'll see.
Yesterday, I had a sad day. I lost two of my brightest, most talented and hard-working students to a Russian teacher with his music doctorate at the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music. Now on the one hand, it is probably laughable that I should hope to compete with a 60-year-old professional when it comes to teaching experience, expertise, etc. But on the other hand, well, I am truly upset and hurt. Here's why.
According to the family, they had had some fears about their daughter's technique ever since she joined the youth orchestra that I recommended to her. Unfortunately, this was one of the few recommendations of mine that they actually heeded -- my recommendations of increasing her pitifully short (for her level) lesson time of a half-hour and of participating in contests in order to get constructive criticism were not. At any rate, my student found herself in a back seat in the orchestra, and thought it was because her technique was inferior to most of the others in the group. Now, I went to their concert last fall, and saw several other students (in higher chairs) with crooked bows, so my explanation to them when they asked about it was that a) this was only her first year in the group and she did not have either a reputation or the ensemble experience that most kids get in school by this age (she's homeschooled), or b) and I don't think I told them this one -- I am still gaining my own reputation and perhaps my relative obscurity contributed to their doubts about giving her a higher chair, or c) she auditioned at the last minute when they called for extra auditions, so perhaps they had already set the seating for those who auditioned earlier. At any rate, we worked on her crooked bowing issues faithfully and I believe that they were largely dealt with by this time (although it is an issue that nearly always requires constant vigilance, even in my own playing).
Well, to make a long story longer, she went to a consultation yesterday with this teacher, who is admittedly probably quite stellar, and he pointed out some "problems" in her technique that I had not addressed. (Now, to be fair, they did not bring this up in an accusatory manner with me, but only when I asked.) However, when she gave me specifics, they were things that I honestly do not agree with as being technical problems. Perhaps I am wrong, but I consider my approach to violin technique in teaching to be very pragmatic -- if there is difficulty in playing something correctly, I assess what technical malfunction could be taking place that, remedied, will produce a more desirable effect. The technical "shortcoming" that she pointed out to me was related to her thumb position on the left hand, an aspect of technique that, while important in some situations, has only so much relation to actual playing -- and to be perfectly honest, I did not agree with this teacher's assessment that there was a problem there.
The mother also pointed out that the teacher thought it was essential to cover music theory, aural skills, and even music history in lessons. And I stood there rather dumbfounded, trying to imagine how I would have possibly been expected to cover those "essential extras" in a half-hour lesson when we already were doing certain "essentials" every other week for lack of time! Not to mention that I had asked her if she was covering music theory in her piano lessons, and satisfied that she was, had contented myself to discuss matters of theory as they appeared instead of trying to fit a formal study into an already ridiculously short lesson time. "So, will you be taking hour long lessons?" I couldn't help but ask. "Yes, he thinks it is necessary," she replied, her full trust in the new teacher and her lack of trust in me becoming more apparent than before.
I cannot complain that she told me in anything but a kind and respectful way, although it is somewhat unfortunate that the decision had been made in the space of three days and that their last lesson was given by me with no prior notice. As silly as it may sound, I consider my income from this to be a secondary issue, but I have now lost 5 students this month (but only these two to another teacher -- the other ones just decided violin was not for them or that they didn't have time and wanted a break), and it is at the point where it is beginning to make a dent in my monthly income.
In some ways, I suppose I should be relieved that a student that I never really felt did trust me -- was always questioning me in lessons and especially about matters of payment policy, etc. -- will now no longer bother me. Perhaps they will be replaced by students more willing to accept my attempts at professionalism in both policy and instruction. But I guess I am just not really there yet in my attitude and heart. Though they were not my favorite students, I was proud of them and knew that they were good for my reputation. And it is troubling to think that others may question my credentials as a result of this. It is a very important dream of mine to have a student graduate from high school and begin studying for a music degree from my instruction, and I am about three years out from achieving this with another student if all goes well. But with this blow to my credibility, it does make me fear that others will leave me for brighter horizons as well. I want what is best for my students, and I hope that I would not keep a student past when I could reasonably teach him or her well, but I just didn't think that point had been reached with these ones yet. I am upset, and it will probably be at the forefront of my mind for the next few days at least.
I know that, as always, there is a spiritual perspective to be had here, but I must confess that this is beyond my reach at the moment. (Which is precisely the point, I know -- it IS within Christ's.) I will go read my Bible after posting this and ask God to make me more spiritually minded about this whole situation. Maybe I needed the humbling -- although I can't help but question that because of my constant insecurity about my status as a violinist. But then again, insecurity is probably more related to pride than humility. At an rate, I should probably wrap up these musings so that anyone who has made it this far (probably no one) can go take some headache medication.
| | |
| This post is not about me. I, of course, am happily married to "the one" for me. But I just thought it would be fun to pose a philosophical scenario about the assumptions we make when we talk about "the one" and worry about whether or not we will marry "the one."
Have you ever thought about the rather befuddling scenario if you were to actually pass up "the one"? Assuming everybody got married, that means you have messed things up for at least 4 people: yourself, the one you were supposed to marry, the one your spouse was supposed to marry, and the one that you did marry. And this is only if the other two were supposed to marry each other! Assuming that we as humans can mess up on "the one" implies philosophically that it is possible for us to set off a random and rather disastrous chain of events that could potentially affect millions of other peoples' lives -- I don't think God works this way.
And at the root of this philosophical nonsense is the basic assumption that man is in control of his own destiny, and that it is possible to mess up God's will for your life. Believe me, if it were possible to mess up God's will for your life, you would have already done it, you totally depraved person you! But no, as can be seen through EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE IN SCRIPTURE of God interacting with humanity, God uses "broken vessels" all of the time. No, do not be so haughty as to think that your sins will thwart the ultimate will of the almighty God. It is possible to disobey God and to be outside of His will in this sense, but rest assured, NOTHING happens outside of His particular knowledge and plan, and marrying "the one" is no exception.
| | |
| Something occurred to me yesterday. I am doing what I always wanted to do! I was talking to someone I hadn't seen in a while who asked me what I had been doing after graduation, and I said, "I am teaching violin... what I always wanted to do!" It's true. We had my 5-year high school reunion at our house last weekend, and we watched the part on our graduation DVD with each of us telling what we wanted to do in 5 years. And guess what? I had said that I wanted to teach violin, and that is exactly what I am doing. I have a delightfully diverse studio of 30+ students, with a handful of students who are somewhat advanced and actually considering studying music in college, and I work with a youth orchestra every Tuesday which has several of my students (including both the concertmaster and the principal second violinist!). I have a student preparing for a contest in a few weeks that I fondly and probably not unrealistically think she can win. My younger students who are less advanced seem to absolutely adore me, bringing me candy and stickers and colored papers to put on my refrigerator. Many musicians teach private lessons in order to supplement their performance income, and seem to think of it as a rather degrading and unpleasant task. I, however, perform upon occasion in order to validate my ability to teach, but teaching is most emphatically where my passion lies. All in all, I really am doing what I always wanted to do.
Of course, being the restless and ever-aspiring 22-year-old that I am, I couldn't exactly stop there. I have many goals for the future. Some of them relate directly to teaching, some do not. In regards to teaching, I want to develop a local or even more than local reputation for being an excellent, high-quality, and personally caring violin teacher; that is what I want to be known for. I want to eventually begin to be a "mover and shaker" when it comes to violin teaching, possibly developing my own method, writing a book about teaching violin effectively (once I have gained enough experience to actually validate such an action), and becoming involved with other string teachers in an effort to collaborate so that more young people are exposed to both playing and enjoying strings music, especially classical. I want to broaden my own musical knowledge by learning more of the classical violin repertoire, studying more fiddle and folk music, and developing my limited piano skills.
I am so thankful for where I am in life right now. God has truly blessed Jon and I with a cozy little home and wonderful jobs. Even though there are trials ongoing in several different areas of life, we are ultimately very blessed and happy, and I especially thank God for this passion He has given me in the area of teaching.
| | |
|
